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Quantizing The Ephemeral

by Nora Candey

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1.
Cellophane 03:52
when i finally caved and let myself love you it was spring and summer and winter and fall and i wanted to draw you in closer to me so i scarcely spoke at all and you laughed at me as i whispered my words cause i was dizzy from holding my breath and the whole world never noticed and no one got upset. the stars when you see them from under the sea look like fishing weights seen through bars and the points that you make are so perfectly pointed and balance the weight of those stars and who whether which why how where what and when are like acid on gashes on scars that the world inflicts upon us when it finds out what we are. if you believed me or even could see me i'd know by now but we're all of us choking up something we love that we can't keep down we rise to the surface suspended on currents i still can't fly i don't care that i don't even try i don't care that you don't ask me why i don't care that my sins are like cellophane i don't know why.
2.
you build bridges in my mind castles out of time visions when i'm blind and you can look me in the eye hold me when i cry and brace me as i try to scale these walls of urgency that rise so very high and rip the flesh from all i see forever by my side you see past all that i seem and know all that i've been and know all that i dream and you hear every breath i take and each mistake i make and every time i ache to span my inconsistencies that arch so very wide and rest content with what i need forever by your side if love were made of horses we'd have such a cavalry that all the armies of the earth would shake i know lying here within your arms will be the death of me but i wouldn't have it any other way
3.
worlds fly at light speed there's never solid ground and i'm on a spiral staircase of shifting waters down a cavalcade of changes that brings me to my knees a perfect point of entry that only pain sees if you were a compass and i were a graph is there a hand that could plot out a map of the derivates and tangents defining a plane that has no constants and no domain but it was never anything more than a stone that was thrown from a careless hand that quickly turned to something else and it skipped three times and then slid below the surface. to pinpoint a quotient and fix it in place requires constant motion that accelerates with each breath you draw new dimensions are made with each tear i cry worlds are burned waste is laid if i were a vortex and you were the void and all that dared stand in our path were destroyed and from all that chaos a pattern emerged would you hold and refine it where limits converge but it was never anything less than a perfect prime sublimely expressed that followed exactly the slope of the line of space and time and pierced me like a siren. from abstract to affine from constant to change a function of fluxions an infinite range discrete by mere brackets of blood bone and thought forced into an order where conscience is wrought if i am the cosine and you are the arc and Cartesian logic exists in each quark then measured in microns and mapped in each charge as the void draws each breath its effects loom so large but it was meant to be nothing more than a breath death took when it saw itself recoiling in horror then rising again to look one more time with a sudden sense of wonder
4.
Sheron 04:45
when it's all over and you finally take a breath and there's no one there to speak your name just be glad that the world still exists to take your attention away the way i see it is you might as well regress to when the world was not so grey to when you loved the thought that all that burns bright must someday fade away. sooner or later if you run it hard enough the thing that does the damage has to break and then it's just like taking off your wedding dress you freeze the top part of the cake but down inside you there's a voice that wont be still and it will never go away that says great joy often brings greater pain the world just works that way. and when forgiveness comes it's hard to recognize for it turns inward on itself and it's complexity pervades so many things it sometimes seems like something else a glistening glaze of ice that inhumes all the world and it's so painful to touch a fine tuned finely wrought and crystalline desire that cost so very much.
5.
They all ran down there to see what i found a huge chunk of ice lay washed up on the ground a great ugly bird floated in on the tide you could see him frozen there inside they called in the army and roped off the beach the mayor appeared on the news with a speech saying people don't panic this happens all the time the scientists are coming in it's fine. I wait til midnight and slide down the drainpipe and wait in the yard with a rope and he's there waiting for me and he's bigger than reality and he turns to gaze upon me and his eyes are like kaleidoscopes. My heart's a season that no one can brave and i don't proselytize cause i can't think that way my heart's a daydream that fades with the light a pterodactyl in flight. My love's a monster who sleeps in the sea and you can't let him out if you don't have the key your manic obsessions are real more than time but the scientists are coming in it's fine. From out of the darkness there's a watcher to guard us with hands reaching out toward the light and when i falter i hear him call me to draw me back in to the night.
6.
Saint 02:33
If you make it through this with your values intact i don't think you'll ever know why but it's a miserable altar that gives you the chance to kiss the injustice goodbye. Do you look at the world through the eyes of a saint do you move with the grace of a dove if ever you want it my offer still stands and it's not like it's that kind of love. So you sat with breath bated and waited for what for a test that could prove what you're worth and i laugh at your rectitude fortitude turpitude thinking you're not of this earth. For those who die martyrs are those who dissent just to blaze in the spotlight of hate it's never their ethics that make them repent and i hope you don't learn it too late. If you made it through this with your faith still intact perhaps you don't need to know why but i gave at the office to give you the chance to kiss the injustice goodbye.
7.
Apostrophe 06:12
I only asked you to be honest anyway i never took you to be kind i never thought that you would finally find me here through all the garbage in my mind they say the time it took to get to where we are is something no one else would do i keep expecting you to change your mind or be unkind and i'm afraid you want me to. You ask about the fire that burns outside my door it's only there to carry me away and nothing more it's only there because it's almost all that's left of me it's not the threat you seem to see for i could never while away an idle hour pulling punches that can't land and everything i see just makes me an apostrophe and leaves me deaf to your demands. But nothing matters if you think it's make believe and i can't stop you when you know it's time to leave and all the days we spent were hours handed back to those who live in ivory towers. This endless frozen sea is sterile creativity but nothing matters if you think it's make believe. It gets repetitive and also pretty trite we're always almost there but something's never right I keep expecting you to fail to find my infant mind but nothing much escapes your sight but my idea of hell is to dwell in mediocrity watching waiting dying now and then and your apostrophe surrounded by hypocrisy must wait for you to take me up again. But nothing matters if you think it's make believe and i can't stop you when you know it's time to leave and all the days we spent were hours but that's what happens when you live in ivory towers.
8.
Kindergarten 03:18
I had no business being in the high school lobby in the hallway so shiny with glass and linoleum but those bright leaves made a tunnel for me i thought i could walk straight through from end to end. Why do such bright leaves on wet concrete send my hand flying to find that grey rail your transoms are open wide to the oh yeah daylight come on bright paper turkeys no drugstore retail. I heard he was a snitch he made his living at the downtown Safeway and with his body he walked so oddly i'm not quite sure what there is to say. And when those bricks were swooping down upon me i really hoped the plastic bag would hold i banged on the lobby door i didn't have the key for i had my spike the wet grey rail was cold. But now i'm through with such matriculation and i can walk the oh yeah daylight tunnel of leaves stark for sure but i'll accept no imitation and look at paper turkeys through the trees. I had to be a bitch he tried to say he was a class act felon he lost the only hat i ever knit i mean what more could there be to say?
9.
Epithalamion 04:45
your return to me after all that's passed is a testament to your will and the permanence of an undying love that no earthly force can kill a flux of fated forces that bind us into one a perfect cloth is woven that cannot be undone. If this ring on my hand is a bright silver key and this day is the gate it unlocks what a marvelous journey will come to unfold through this gate on the path we will walk if you are the candle and i am the match and our love is the flame that burns bright then i know that the hand that ignited the blaze bathes the corners of knowledge in light. And it's meant to be everything up from the smallest drop to the top of the cup and the days that pass of sunshine and rain are up so floating many bells down again. To pinpoint an ascent aligned in it's sphere an endless conjunction an affine appears approaching the Vertex ellipses arise and dance in an orbit held fast in your eyes. If the stars in the sky are the tears of my joy and the moon is my heart shining bright then your love is the song that the universe sings and your honor the clearest of nights. If i were the aspect and you were the trine and all of the planets and stars were aligned and out of that order a pattern emerged would you hold and refine it where aeons converge. And it's meant to be everything down from the reaches of Heaven to deep underground a limitless logos of Memory and Thought a cosmos wrought of strength and truth and meaning. And it was never anything less than the breath that life breathed into death gazing upon it with infinite love to manifest the continuum into being.

about

These are tracks Nora wrote in the late 90's to mid 2000's.
All proceeds to go benefit the Nora Candey Songwriting Grant through the Oregon Bluegrass Association.

credits

released February 8, 2014

All music and lyrics written by Nora Candey
Recorded by Scott E. Candey at Life of the Mind studios, Portland Oregon.
Photo by Evan Pilchek, collage artwork by Nora Candey.

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Nora Candey Portland, Oregon

Nora Candey was a multi-instrumentalist and songwriter who passed away in 2020. ALL proceeds from sales here will go toward the Nora Candey Songwriting Grant established in her memory through the Oregon Bluegrass Association.

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